Eating

I want to be one of those vegan-exercising-skinny-after-the-baby-comes-out type of pregnant women. Instead, I am one of those a-few-pounds-to-lose-eat-whatever-you-can-sedentary types of pregnant woman. I feel like I'm starving all of the time, and unfortunately, I fill that hungry belly with carbs instead of useful things.

One of the problems is finding the time to go grocery shopping. It's a difficult thing to arrange, so I often end up hunting through the cupboards (or in our case, boxes since we don't have cupboards to actually put food into) for anything available that's quick, easy, and mess-free to throw together between getting home after work and going to bed. Frozen pizza, pasta, and turkey burgers seem to be main staples for us.

I love vegetables, but John doesn't eat salad and it's hard for me to eat a whole head of lettuce before it goes bad...and I'm still hungry after eating salad, any way. When I'm home, it's easy to warm up some frozen veggies and throw in some butter and seasonings. When I'm at work, it's not so easy. Sure, I could prep this ahead of time, but that's time spent that I'd rather be sleeping.

I'm lazy. I guess that's really what it comes down to. And I lack self control. I just want to eat, darnit. I'm a hungry lady, and who cares if I sit on my butt all day and don't work those calories off? *sigh* What is the magic combination that I must hit so that I will only put past my lips healthy, wholesome, and needed nutrients?

Magic combination = 1) money to buy awesome foods, 2) time to go grocery shopping, and 3) a personal cook who will prepare and clean up the meals after we're done eating. Any takers?

We're having a baby!

This is you. You're six weeks old today, making me eight weeks pregnant. Daddy and I were so excited when we got to see you yesterday. You're still itsy-bitsy and they only did an abdominal ultrasound, so it's not like we got to see a whole lot...but you are there and you have a heart beat! 133 bpm, to be exact. :-)

Every thing's looking good, and I'm looking forward to the rest of our time together with you in my belly. Our midwife, Deb, paid us a very high compliment yesterday. She told me that she thinks Daddy and I would do just fine with an unassisted birth! We won't do that, but I felt that was a really nice thing to tell me since it means she thought we handled Lovebug's birth very well. She also told me that she'd work with us to do a home birth. Home birth. I have a very romanticised view of home births and I desperately want one. I've even looked into birthing tubs and medical equipment for such an event. Your Dad, on the other hand, is adamantly against the idea even if Deb was there. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens, but I'm half praying that it's something we get to do.

Oh just to think of your sweet baby smell, soft baby skin, and big eyes...I must be in love.

Expected Due Date: June 30, 2010!

Will I get to see you?

I'm both excited and nervous as I wait for our first ultrasound and midwife appointment today. After having the ectopic scare, not knowing exactly when you're due, and feeling completely different this pregnancy as compared to my last one, I'm nervous that things aren't okay. Now, I know that every mama in the first trimester worries unnecessarily, and I tell myself that's what I'm doing...but there's still the what if?

What if I don't see you today? What if your precious baby heart isn't beating, or they can't find you anywhere in my womb? What if.

What if I do see you today, moving all around and discovering your new found being? What if I get to see life giving blood course through your forming organs, and I get to hear the sweet "whoosh-whoosh" of your heart? What if.

Either way, I can have peace knowing that Jesus holds you in His arms. On October 24th--the same day that we had our scare, I remember sitting on the living room floor and crying because I did not want to give you to God. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Amara, I immediately reacted by handing her over to the Lord. With you, it's much harder. I now know what it's like to let a baby go even if it's just to her Grandma for the day. That in itself is difficult enough for me, and I just want to be selfish with you and tell God that he can have someone else. Not my baby. No one can have my babies again.

After we were told that things might not be working out with you, I remembered my earlier chat with God. I cried again as I told God that I must be pretty dumb if I think I can do a better job taking care of you than he can. So I gave you back to him. Not because I really want to, but because I know he can do better than I can.

So either way today, if we find out things are progressing wonderfully or if we find out that things are already over, it's going to be okay with me. I know that God holds you in his strong and loving arms already--whether you're meant to be an earth child or an angel baby.

You are our baby and we love you.


PS- after all of the ups and downs we've already been through, I am going to be so stinking excited when I see you today!!!!!!

Girl Name

Daddy and I decided on your name last night--if you're a girl.

Ashlyn

It's Irish-Gaelic and means "dream" or "vision"

We love it.

Symptoms

I'm not throwing up. I don't have head aches. I don't have heart burn.

However, I do have the worst case of pregnancy brain that I've ever heard of and my back has been misaligned already. How can this be, with me only being 7 weeks along (or so I assume)? I'm not even showing yet--although it seems like every other June-due mama on Diaper Swappers has a belly. I don't understand the belly thing. How could anyone show yet? My bean is like half an inch long, if that. Speaking of bellies, I still have one from my dd...so I'm not feeling like posting photos of my new "baby belly" since it's really just the remnants of my last child.

Maybe my pregnancy brain is actually due to my tiredness. I am so darn tired today that I can barely keep my eyes awake. I mean open. Maybe I'm going to have to drink a caffienated beverage. One serving a day is supposed to be okay...*sigh*

Five more hours of work. Then a 45-minute car ride to get Lovebug. Then 30 minutes there. Then 45-minutes back home. The I unpack, figure out dinner, try to clean something up, eat, and go to bed.

Tonight, we're going to put Lovebug back in her crib. She's been sleeping with us again since her room was being redone and then since she was sick. It's time to move her back. I need to sleep again.

My incoherent rambling is due to the pregnancy brain, I'm sure...just like me burning part of last night's dinner (twice), "losing" the keys that were attached to the key chain I had already started my car with, leaving my dd's bottle of milk from yesterday in my backpack all night long, and not realizing my shirt collar was all twisted around today. This is really bad.

Are there any exercises or vitamins one can take to alleviate the dumbness that comes over me when I'm pregnant?!

Fat Dreams

I dreamed last night that I was fat. I mean, really fat, like pudgy Pillsbury-Dough-Girl round as a ball fat. I think it's because I'm scared of the weight I'm going to gain this pregnancy. Last time, I was able to lose the weight pretty well after Lovebug was born, but then it plateued after like two months and I've been 10-15 lbs. over what I want to be ever since. Only 2 pairs of my pre-pregnancy pants fit, my shirts may never fit again (thanks to the extra large sized boobs I've managed to grow), and I still have a little pooch belly thing going on (whatever happened to my hard as steel abs?).

So, I'm a bit concerned since I'm starting out this pregnancy over weight. At my heaviest weight, my BMI is 24.7. I would rather start a pregnancy at 22 or less! *sigh* Oh well. I guess life will go on...and I will most likely find clothes that fit.

Lovebug's First Birthday

Lovebug turned 1-year-old on October 31st. One day before that, she got sick for the first time ever. I suppose 364 days of being healthy is a pretty good run, but I still wish that she'd never ever be sick! :-) Fever of 102f (after Tylenol!), cough, fatigue...For three days straight, I just held on to that baby.

Needless to say, the birthday party we had planned for November 1st didn't happen. Too many sick people. Instead, Grandma M. came over with a few presents--a large over sized helium balloon in the shape of a flower (from Aunts A & M), a baby doll (from Aunt A2), and a Pooh book. Amara, sick as she was, couldn't help but smile and give kisses to her doll, hold on to her balloon, and request to be read the book.

Daddy and I also gave Lovebug a few things: a little white piano (which she LOVES), a set of small soft cloths (she likes to stack them and clean with them), and a wooden doll family. It was pretty fun to give presents to my little-big girl, even if she was sick.

Oh, the fun birthdays to come!