Moving Forward

He is getting an apartment. We will move him in next weekend, probably. It's small. Not any room for the kids, but it's affordable and he can stay at the house when he has the kids. Things will be separate: our money, our living spaces, our days. The cell phone and insurance bills will stay the same, but I will now be taking on the responsibilty of providing enough for my family to keep my house and everything working in it. It won't be easy. In fact, I haven't quite figured out yet how I will make everything work, but that doesn't scare me. I can taste the freedom from the emotional bondage that comes with being married to and living with someone who has hurt you so deeply that some days, even your scars bleed. I love him, of course, but part of my heart died a long time ago and we are killing ourselves trying to revive it. It is time to let go. We both know this is what God has ordained for this time. What the future holds, we have no idea, but we know that HE has already been there...and there is great comfort knowing that.

You know you are doing the right thing when your relief outweighs your fear.

Now, I will focus on relearning to breathe. It will be difficult, but it already is.

1) Support my family. This will require extreme control in spending, using my blog to get things my kids need, and finding new ways to make more money as well as to save money.

2) Reconnect with God on the level I had before I was married. It will be sooooo good and I am looking forward to all of the peace that will bring!

3) Get in shape. I have 364 days left before our not-dating pact is up, so I should probably start getting rid of this mom body. ;-) Kidding. Well, sort of. I kind of loathe my body (awful, I know, but true). It was going to change regardless of my relational status. I am just listing it here because this is my running tally of things to do and focus on, not because I actually have any intentions of trusting anyone enough to date again.