no more milk

I think my milk is gone. Or quickly leaving. If Amara had been born on her due date, she'd be 9 days past her first birthday right now, so I guess we've done well since she has had mama-milk since birth. I just assumed I'd be able to keep going through this next pregnancy, I guess. I wanted Amara to have milk through her second birthday as the World Health Organization recommends, but I'm sad to say that she drank a bottle of whole cow's milk yesterday since she didn't have enough from me. *sniff*

I suppose we could supplement with formula, but I figure that she'll be a year old in a few days so we might as well just use cow's milk. I wish I could make enough, but we're lucky if I get one bottle's worth after pumping all day. It's been like this for about a week now and it's not looking like there will be a change any time soon.

I'm stressed out today; The milk. The exhaustion I have from Amara waking me up all night long and from being pregnant. The wondering how far along I am and if everything's okay with my growing baby. Work and the drama there. Trying to not let my house suffocate me with the outrageous mess that it is. Having needed a shower for days but not having time to take one. Dealing with John being sick because he doesn't take care of himself. And dealing with him tearing apart the house but not helping with anything else around the house that needs to be done. Trying to throw a birthday party for Amara when we have no money. Oh, yeah, can't forget the lack of money, period.

I just want to go back to bed, but not in my house. I want to fall asleep somewhere else that's quiet, dark, and clean. I'm overwhelmed and underslept. It's great. Just great...