Dear Ex-Husband;
I am so frustrated by you right now. I write because I need to get my frustration out. I will not discuss it with you because those conversations never get anywhere and I refuse to induce the stress it will surely bring, and I will not discuss this with someone else for a variety of other reasons.
Number One: would you PLEASE knock off those habits of yours that you KNOW absolutely infuriate me because of how disrespectful they are? No matter how many years I have been calmly telling you that I can't stand you constantly reinterpreting what I say in order to tell me what I really mean or really think (when that is NOT what I said and you are ALWAYS wrong, anyway, because what I tell you is really what I mean and think!), you still do it. You still do it! STOP! And then you ask why I seem upset when you talk to me...
Number Two: would you PLEASE do a few things around here that I have needed done for months if not years? These are things that I CAN'T DO myself. You know that even married to you, I wouldn't ask you to do something I could do for myself. If I am asking you to do these things, maybe that means I really need them done. Like could you lower the lawn mower? It's ridiculous what I go through to mow the lawn here because you can't be here long enough for me to do it. I need the blade lowered so I don't have to mow as often. I also NEED you to hang the curtain rod. Sleep is far more difficult when light is coming through the window and it's only a matter of time before the pin tacks that are holding the curtain up come out of the wall and someone steps on it. Also, move your truck cap while you're outside lowering the lawn mower blade. It's difficult to maneuver around.
Number Three: figure out how to spend less money, because I am picking up your tab and it's not acceptable. YOUR cell phone habits run up the bill and I end up paying the difference. You use my Internet, and I have to pay $60 a month for that. I have no desire to make money off of you, and I have every intention of being able to fully support our children myself...but I do not care to pay your bills, and I feel like some of that is happening.
Number Four: when you read this, you will be mad, no doubt. Why? Because it might make you look bad to someone. Please don't confront me about it. I need to vent somehow, and this is the only way I can think of because while I really just want to go running until I pass out right now, I have to take care of our kids, clean the house, get all of their laundry washed, pack their bags for tomorrow, pack my work and weekend stuff up, and go shopping all before bed time tonight. And it's something like impossible to go running with two toddlers. I am not concerned with the fairness of my statements right now, nor am I concerned with who reads them because after all, this is my blog and my place to get stuff out. Maybe sometime I'll start sharing stories of the past. That should rock the boat...
Sincerely,
Your pissed off Ex-Wife
PS- I understand that you are unable to afford an apartment and vehicle right now that would accommodate our children. So until then, when you have to use my house and my van when you are with them, please try to help out with the cleaning of each.
You do realize there are very simple fixes to this, right?
ReplyDeleteWhen someone is talking to you in a way that is disrespectful, hang up immediately or walk away. Refuse to engage in the behavior. You don't have to cause a fight, simply say, "I won't talk to you when you do this," and stop talking.
If someone is running up your cell phone bill, take them off your plan. They are adults, they can figure out a way to afford their own cell phone, even if it is cheap pre-paid stuff from Walmart.
If someone is not cleaning your house or your car when they use it, they are not being a responsible adult, and should not be allowed to care for your child. If someone cannot treat personal property respectfully and appropriately, I ask them to leave my house(yes, I have done this) and they are not allowed around my child unsupervised. People who do not respect other people's property generally do not respect other people, and those are not people I want my child to be around.
Until you allow natural consequences to happen for bad actions, those actions will continue. Eventually you will have to stop trying to be nice and be everyone's friend, and simply say, if you continue to behave badly, we will not be a part of your life. Some of us couldn't care less who likes us and who doesn't, even if that sometimes happens to be our own husband who we love very much. I have zero tolerance for disrespectful, bad behavior in my house(not that it has ever been a problem with my husband, lest you think that, because it hasn't) and there have been occasions where I have hung up the phone or told someone they needed to leave my house because it is not allowed here. Stop worrying about people liking you. It doesn't matter who likes you in the end, anyway.
And it is okay to be a bitch.
Also, you should not have to support your children yourself. Bottom line, if two people make a child, two people should support child. People who do not support their children are selfish and lazy and should not have access to those children. Sorry if people have to work two jobs to do it. My husband works an average of 70 hours a week so that he can support his family and I can go to school and raise our son and not have to work full time. It can be done, people just have to be willing to work mroe than one job, even if it's minimum wage at McDonalds.
ReplyDeleteYou have kids, you pay for those kids. Welcome to real life.
Holy cow, I think that's a first- I just agreed with Sara. ;-)
ReplyDelete*hugs* She's right, though. You're a strong woman and we all know you can do it. I'm glad you're venting and getting out. I hope you're able to put your foot down as much when these issues come up off the blog. :-)