Monday, November 21, 2011

You have rights, too.


Dear Single Mom,

You have rights, too. Don't forget it. God entrusted you with those beautiful children. You are going to answer for yourself and how YOU parented, not how your ex-husband did or does. Be gracious, but do not allow yourself to lose things that your child would have had you be part of if you were still married to their father.

You. Are. Still. The. Mama. Hold on to those babies, raise them right, be a good role model, don't sin in your loneliness or anger, and remember that you aren't helpless. Your kids want you as much as you want them. Don't let yourself get pushed out of their lives.

Bill of Rights for Divorced Mothers
  • I have the right to be involved in any and every aspect of my children's lives. I can attend any event I want to and be part of any normal thing that may occur, including all Holidays and events of particular significance.
  • I should not be made to feel like I can't or shouldn't ask questions about where my children are or who they are with.
  • I have the right to meet and get to know people that will become significant in the life of my children. This is not me approving or disapproving--it is simply me wanting to understand and relate to the things that affect and are important to my children.
  • If my children ever want me, I have the right to come.
  • I have the right to know about significant things going on in my children's life from YOU, their father, not from THEM. This means if some woman is spending the night at your house while they are there, you should probably tell me beforehand so I don't find out by way of our 3-year-old at dinner the next day.
  • I have the right to interact with you and whomever your significant other is WITH our children present. It is important that they see the entire family unit interacting positively. This doesn't need to happen all of the time, but I should not be told I cannot be around if your significant other is.
  • I have the right to be respected by you, the father. You will not speak poorly about me to our children, nor will disregard my boundaries and standards for our children. If you disagree with something, we will come to a compromise together. Consistency between the parents is important, as is the children seeing that we value each other as parents.
  • I have the right to protect my children. From anyone and anything. They are my first priority, and I am allowed to unleash the mama bear within me if she is needed. God made me a mama.

4 comments:

  1. "I have the right to know about significant things going on in my children's life from YOU, their father, not from THEM. This means if some woman is spending the night at your house while they are there, you should probably tell me beforehand so I don't find out by way of our 3-year-old at dinner the next day."

    Apparently your ex is far luckier than mine would be, because I would state, very clearly with no room for argument, "If you choose to have a woman spending the night, our children may not be there on those nights. It isn't because I care what you do with yourself, but I will not allow our children to be exposed to important adults in their life making poor sexual decisions. You are a role model and this is not appropriate behavior for you to be showing our children. You have to understand that by choosing to have her overnight, you are choosing to not have your children."

    And that would be the end of that discussion, because I would simply refuse to discuss it further.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ah, yes, there is a reason I did not say that...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I thought this was great. Especially the part where you say the father has no right to talk about you, to your children, in a disrespectful way. So many parents try to play the favorites game, and keeping the kids out of the arguement is incredibly mature. Good on you!

    http://marleeindebt.blogspot.com/

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