Thursday, December 31, 2009


It's the eve of the year 2010, but it seems that only yesterday we were hearing of "Y2K," watched as a plane crashed into the second World Trade Center tower, and I graduated high school. I think that somewhere along the lines, we were told that cars were supposed to fly and teleportation would exist by 2010. Or at least people my age were supposed to be well set in their life and have a list the size of their arm of the adventures they had already had.

2009 was a peak and a valley at the same time for me. I've exerpienced more joy and awe than ever before--thanks to my beautiful daughter, but also more self hatred and depression than ever before--thanks to not being WITH my beautiful daughter. I've learned a lot, though. I've learned that I'm okay, life goes on, and my child is not going to experience the same anguish that I experience without her. She is okay, and in fact, thriving and happy with the situation of me working and her being with Daddy or Grandma-Mimi. It's me that has been left behind, but I am learning to pick myself up and move forward.

We bought a house, and I guess that's a big deal. Thankfully, that means our "rent" payment is lower. Unfortunately, we already want to move. Haha. Go figure.

I usually have a really accurate idea of what the next year will bring on the eve of January 1st, but this year, I'm just not sure. I feel kind of blank this time, like I can't see the future. I do know that I will be having a second beautiful child, and I am so entirely excited about that. I do know that our home will continue to be improved as Daddy works on it.

I hope that these things happen...
- our finances improve
- Daddy is able to get a rewarding, fulfilling, and well paying job that allows me to stay home
- we are able to develop a self supporting E-Commerce business that will allow us to easily move somewhere else
- we're able to get the baby items we need, and that I'm able to make something for this new baby
- safety
- improved phsyical and emotional health
- grow ever more closer to my family and to my Heavenly Father

I want this year to be the Spring in our life, following the Winter we've been in for a while. It would be so, so nice to move not hurt as much. Have I become afraid to hope, and is that why I can't feel the future?

Thank God for my October Hearts. We will make 2010 a great year no matter WHAT may befall us! Joy is something we can always choose to have.

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