Wednesday, June 29, 2011

I am not who I was

For as long as I've been taking personality profiles, I have been told that I am so concerned with the welfare of others that I will sacrifice and lose myself in the process of serving someone else. There is a term for the extent to which this became a problem in my life: subjugation. I would always take it upon myself to do or approve of what the significant people in my life wanted me to do because I was either afraid of their response if I didn't, or I would feel guilty if I didn't. Clearly, this leads to people taking advantage of you and to you partaking in destructive things. It's as though you love someone so much that you give them permission to destroy you and the relationship.

Times have changed though, and I am very proud right now because for the first time ever, I took a personality profile (without even realizing it), and got this as the result:

You are important. So are other people, especially if they are in trouble. You have a tender heart, but you know how to establish and keep personal boundaries. You are empathetic and compassionate, but you also believe that it's best if people solve their own problems and learn to take care of themselves, if they are able

You are deeply moved by the needs of others, but you know that if you don't take good care of yourself, you'll wind up being of no use to anyone. So yours is a thoughtful compassion. You strive to be fair and sensible, taking care of others while also taking care of yourself.

When someone really is in trouble, you like to collaborate with them toward a solution; they do their part, you do yours. You consider carefully, and respond in a sensible way; they do their part, and together you move through the difficulty.
You seldom act impulsively; rather, when a problem arises, you take your time to think through the situation. This contemplative quality usually means that you'll arrive at a diplomatic solution, one that's fair for the other person and also fair to you. It's frequently a win/win situation.
My heart and mind started changing last Fall, and I have completed the healing process for my subjugation. It's truly only by God's love for me that I was able to understand and come through this (along with lots of literature and work on my part). For the first time EVER, I have a balence. I am now able to love and serve people, but with healthy boundaries in place. This is a huge deal, because this was my largest personal problem. I suspected that I was free of subjugation the last two months or so, but being affirmed now that I have come through this puts a smile on my face, and gives me comfort to face the night.

Tonight, I am lonely, but I am free from the bondage of subjugation and that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

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