My healing heart has moved in monumental ways recently. I know this because I am able to talk to and be around John without experiencing as much anxiety as before; in fact, it's almost "normal". We were able to watch a movie after the kids went to bed and before he went home last week, as well as go out and eat dinner while discussing the kids (a future 3-year-old birthday party is coming near!)...and it was fine! I had a bit of chest heaviness-anxiety-stuff for the first half of the evening when we went out, but it resolved and we had a nice evening.
Secondly, I was able to just (briefly) look through a Facebook wedding album that some friends were in. Might not seem like a big deal, right? Wrong. I dread anything wedding or new baby related anymore. It's not because I experience jealousy or anything at the sight of these things, it's just that it reminds the ideals I grew up desiring for my future family have been taken away from me. It's a grief thing. I wanted better for my kids, for myself...The fact that I could look through wedding photos and only feel half of my heart aching is a big improvement.
Their is hope for the future. Always.