Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Love vs. Idol Worship

I am disgusted. Unfortunately, I happened across a keeper-at-home blog and read a post. Might not be such a bad thing, but I tend to avoid these sorts of writings anymore, because I feel that the mindset of a woman's purpose in life being to only serve her husband (because this is how you serve God, if you are a woman) is not only un-Biblical, but FALSE and HARMFUL at best.

Read this post, and then continue reading mine:

While I completely agree with supporting your husband, being a helpmeet, loving him through actions, etc., I do not believe that I should raise my daughters with the mindset that everything they are learning is to ultimately serve another person. God gives us talents, desires, opportunities, and abilities. Why are these girls focusing all of their time and energy on the dream of serving a man when they could be developing what God set them apart to do and begin to do it now? Is not this idea placing an idol before God, since it removes the focus of him, and forces you to look at serving him through the object of a spouse?

Instead of using my singleness to focus on being married, I want my singleness to be focused on serving God and reaching people NOW. God created me as a capable person, and let's remember that God is just as much male as he is female, just as much father as he is mother. I am not going to go study books on cars just in case I marry a mechanic. I am not going to go stock up a closet full of homemade blankets just because someday, a man might sleep in my bed with me (or, shall I say, me sleep in his bed with him?). I am not going to practice making tofu dishes just in case he is a vegan. I am, though, going to fix anything within myself that needs healing so that I can be a whole person, thus able to reach out to others NOW and so that I can have a stronger marriage LATER. I am going to earn a living to the best of my ability now so that I can take care of myself and my family NOW and also have a firm foundation for LATER. And you know what? I am going to learn things that I am interested in, develop the talents I have, and work hard to achieve the desires that God has laid upon my heart. Why? Because God put them there, not because I want my future husband to be proud.

Why am I so adamant about this topic? Loving your husband isn't harmful, after all, right? Serving him fixes things, it doesn't create problems, right? Maybe, maybe not. It happens all too often that "christian" women get so focused on being a good wife (because that's what makes us holy, you know), that they forget that God is their head more than their husband is. "Spousal worship" is the term I like to use for this. Your spouse comes home, and like he does every day, he is grumpy, complains to you, belittles you, throws something at you because you aren't as mad as he is, etc.. If you love him and are a good wife, you should just forgive him, pray for him more, and try to make the home environment more pleasant so he will want to come home and treat you respectfully...Right? If this is a regular thing, though, maybe what he really needs is a swift kick in the butt, whether that means you tell him that under no circumstances is he to treat you or your children as if they have no value (if he will respond to this, and if it's a daily thing, he probably won't), or that you pack his bags and move him out (unfortunately, that truly is the only thing that will make some people change). Are you truly loving someone if you continue to allow them to act this way? Is he not sinning? Does God tolerate sin? If you are truly a helpmeet, why do you tolerate this behavior if it is an ongoing thing (we are not speaking of the mistakes that everyone makes from time to time; I am speaking of habitually mistreating people, thus having abusive patterns within your relationship)? And are you, then, sinning yourself, because you have now begun to worship your spouse instead of God?

Be careful, is all I'm saying. Know the difference between loving your husband and worshiping your husband. Know the difference between preparing to be a great spouse and forgetting about the calling that God has for you individually. Realize that you are insulting your creator by not developing and pursuing that which he gave you the ability and desire to do.

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