Wednesday, April 13, 2011

it is worth it

It's painful. It's drawn out. It's lonely. Oh is it lonely. It's confusing. It's frustrating. It's angering.

But because I am me, once I am bound, I can't be released by my own will. Part of me is yours forever. We could not talk for ten years and it would be the same way--a piece of me, carefully packaged and branded with your name, just sitting and waiting for you in the depths of my being.

So here I will be. Different, yes. Numb, scared, unsure...but always caring. Always putting myself out there for you even when I know I will just be met with pain. Don't think this means you can use me, though. As time goes on, my protective wall will regenerate itself and it won't be the same for you. You will look into my eyes and see the sadness and you will know that it's now my reaction to you...you won't see any regret though, because I don't have any. And you will still see me smile, because...you still make me happy. It's weird like that.

All of this is worth the pain, because the bond is still beautiful. Mistreated, maybe. Forgotten about, probably, at least for now. But I'm ok right this second.

And I think it, you, is worth it.

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