Friday, March 19, 2010

Anticipation

I'm exhausted today. I feel sick. I can't focus or get any work done. I wish I could be home relaxing instead of at work stressing about what we will or won't find on the ultrasound later. I can't decide if I should ask the sonographer to make us a video before or after she looks for Monkey's stomach...if she looks before and doesn't find it, I'll cry and won't be able to enjoy the 3d imaging or video as much. If we wait until after the video making, though, I will be wondering the whole time.

I had a beautiful dream last night of the ultrasound. We went in and right away they saw the stomach. I had them check my amniotic fluid levels as well as the size of the baby and everything was just fine. They made the video after checking everything out, but as I watched the screen, I saw myself holding my son instead of a black and white ultrasound. Music was playing and I was sitting in a rocking chair just after giving birth. Monkey was in my arms, wrapped in a blanket and we were looking at each other. He had lots of hair and it was black like his sister's when she was born. I know he hadn't been bathed yet because it was all spikey like instead of curly. At one point as we loved each other, he lifted his hand up to mine with his fingers open. I placed my open palm against his and we held each other.

After the dream, I woke up. I don't know why I woke up, but Monkey was bumping all around inside of me at that time. I'm taking this dream to be assurance from God and a sign that everything is fine. It was a beautiful vision of my baby and I'm so glad to have that gift to carry with me through today.

I need a nap.

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