Tuesday, February 8, 2011


I wonder what I'm giving up. It's part of what keeps me back.

Will I be loved again? Never feel the pain of birth again? Listen to my own laughter beat against the walls? Admire my own accomplishments? Always rent movies because I am afraid to sit alone?

...am I afraid to be alone?

What if no one is there to hold me when I die and I'm the person that the paramedic gets excited to "work," only to find that I've been laying there for three days already?

I didn't want to be a statistic.

I didn't want any of this.

...and I am afraid.

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