Quick Updates

Monkey is beautiful, seriously. Our ultrasound that I upped to March 19th showed us that. The technician was wonderful and took the time to check all sorts of things, not just look for the stomach. It made me feel a LOT better. Unfortunately, the recording system was still down on the machine so we didn't end up getting a video, but he did do a 3D for us and --wow-- we have a beautiful boy in there. He is so perfect.

At first, the tech couldn't find the stomach and when he did, he said that it wasn't the shape that he'd LIKE to see, but that he didn't see anything else indicating a problem. It wasn't until our appointment with Deb on April 6th that we heard the radiologist cleared everything. Hooray! What a relief to know my pregnancy symptoms are just that, even if they are a little weird.

Monkey moved to be head down on April 1st. You'd think that I was engaged at that point, how low he is. I do think that he is engaged now though, and did so about two weeks ago. I can palpate his head right in my pelvis, and the pressure I feel on my cervix every step I take! It does make me a little nervous knowing that he's so low so soon--this doesn't usually happen with boys or with a 2nd pregnancy until close to when the baby's born. :-\ Part of me is still convinced that there's no way I'll go on my due date let alone any earlier, but...all of these things make me wonder. My younger sister's baby was born 4 weeks early and my older sister who's due 4 weeks ahead of Monkey had her water break about 2 weeks ago...So am I going to follow my own pattern, or will I be following the "boy" pattern in my family?!

Oh, and I've been having contractions. I've had a lot of braxton hicks this entire pregnancy, but I'm pretty much going into them every time I walk since Saturday evening. Only a few have been painful, but I can tell they're pushing him down because when I had a good one last night, I could feel a lot of pressure on my cervix until it was over.

To top off all of my physical things, I'm having drama at work. It's a long story, but I was told that I shouldn't be talking to HR about anything. Yup. That's me, Ms. Trouble Maker because I breastfeed my child and want things to be fair for all employees. Ha. With both of these things plus my regular stress from not being able to keep up on basic houshold chores and such, we're planning on talking to Deb about whether I should continue to work or not when we see her on May 3. I have a lot of emotions about that, but not enough time to write them all down so it will have to be another post.

In short, my pregnancy continues to fly by and my almost-18-month-old daughter continues to become more beautiful every day.

To Do Lists

I can't seem to keep track of how far along I am, so I try to look at my calendar where every Wednesday's box includes a handwritten number, one digit higher than the previous week's. Even though I see this calendar every day at work, I was still shocked to see a "27" written for this week. And then again when I looked at it this morning because I couldn't remember if I was 26 or 27-weeks along. Yeah, it's definitely 27.

That means if I was to give birth "on time" (which won't happen), I'll be doing so 13 weeks from now. That just doesn't seem possible...I have a ridiculous amount of things to still do before Monkey's arrival and besides, I sense no impending doom or delivery, so...it's easy to ignore (save the fact that I can't reach anything or get off of our couch by myself because my belly's so big and also that I have to cross my legs and pray not to pee every time I cough or sneeze). But he's coming, I tell myself. I know this in my mind.

Frankly, I need to get my butt in gear. I'm exhausted, sick, have a nursing toddler, work full time, and have a house and husband to deal with. This just doesn't leave any time in my schedule for baby-preparation things so I'm left to dream and mentally list what needs to be done instead of actually do it. Too bad my thoughts can't osmotically make their way into my house and accomplish what needs to be done for me. ;-)

I also spend time thinking about the things I want to do someday when I'm able to. These things are more fun and I get a bit more excited thinking about them, so without further ado, here are my want and need "To Do" lists:

Things I want to do

• Start a Play blog featuring information, ideas, toy reviews, and giveaways written by ME--the Recreation Therapist. :-) Just think of all of the awesome, wholesome toys and educational products I could get my hands on for my own kiddos and to pass on to other people since my house wouldn't be big enough to keep everything. :-)
• Create and enter recipes into magazine contests every month.
• Make a baby scrapbook for LoveBug and Monkey.
• Quilt
• Landscape my house--bah, it looks so...ugly.
• Play piano every day
• Record a lullabye CD for my children

Things I need to do

• Organize my house (next 10 weeks)
• Clean my house (next 10 weeks)
• Finish getting needed items for Baby Monkey (next 12 weeks)
• Find summer clothes for LoveBug (next 6 weeks, then yard sales after that)
• Stop gaining weight so fast (immediately). I'm going to be a balloon and have a ton to loose after giving birth if I keep going at the rate I am.
• Make and freeze more food (next 8 weeks)

Would someone hold back that clock, please, and then just fast-forward my life when I'm ready for it?

To my LoveBug

Dear LoveBug,

I delight in you. Every single time I see you, I am taken back by your beauty, and every time you smile at me, my entire being melts at your love. It's hard to not spend every single second of my day engrossed in you; thinking about you while I'm at work, neglecting the house so we can play, or dancing and tickling the night away when you're supposed to be sleeping.

I don't know how a mommy could possibly love any more than I love you. I have never felt this way before and wasn't able to comprehend the all encompassing power of this sort of agape love until you were born. When we take a nap together, I can't even sleep because I simply can't stop looking at you.

I love it when...

you bring my face to you so that you can kiss my lips
you wrap your hand around my finger and "take" me somewhere
you jibber jabber to me and I can't understand what you're saying, but you let me know that it's very important and you're very serious, so I'd better listen!
you pull up your pant leg in the car so I can hold your leg while we travel
you want to nurse just because it's comforting to you
you dance
you arrange comfey seats for us with pillows and blankets, and then pat the spot next to you for me to sit in
you share your Cheerios and raisins with me
you get so proud when you do something "big" and then clap your hands and flash your smile
you help me around the house--cleaning the floor with a Swiffer, picking up toys, or putting wash cloths in their drawer
your face lights up when you see me after work
I wake up to your kisses and cuddles
you do something silly just so I will laugh

Every day, I think about how I wish I could remember it forever. At night sometimes, I try to remember what you looked like at different times since you've been born. I wish I could remember everything. I wish you could just stay little forever, but then, every day just gets better than the last, so maybe growing up is okay when it's really happening.

You are my girl and I love you like none other. I hope you're having a fun, safe, and happy, happy day right now at your Grandma's house. I'm looking forward to when I get to be the one home with you! I miss you!

Love,
Your Mama

Anticipation

I'm exhausted today. I feel sick. I can't focus or get any work done. I wish I could be home relaxing instead of at work stressing about what we will or won't find on the ultrasound later. I can't decide if I should ask the sonographer to make us a video before or after she looks for Monkey's stomach...if she looks before and doesn't find it, I'll cry and won't be able to enjoy the 3d imaging or video as much. If we wait until after the video making, though, I will be wondering the whole time.

I had a beautiful dream last night of the ultrasound. We went in and right away they saw the stomach. I had them check my amniotic fluid levels as well as the size of the baby and everything was just fine. They made the video after checking everything out, but as I watched the screen, I saw myself holding my son instead of a black and white ultrasound. Music was playing and I was sitting in a rocking chair just after giving birth. Monkey was in my arms, wrapped in a blanket and we were looking at each other. He had lots of hair and it was black like his sister's when she was born. I know he hadn't been bathed yet because it was all spikey like instead of curly. At one point as we loved each other, he lifted his hand up to mine with his fingers open. I placed my open palm against his and we held each other.

After the dream, I woke up. I don't know why I woke up, but Monkey was bumping all around inside of me at that time. I'm taking this dream to be assurance from God and a sign that everything is fine. It was a beautiful vision of my baby and I'm so glad to have that gift to carry with me through today.

I need a nap.

14 hours...

Ugh, I'm done reading about esophageal atresia and everything else until after our ultrasound tomorrow. I was just reading about polyhydramnois (too much amniotic fluid; a symptom of a fetus with E.A.) and here are the symptoms:

Shortness of breath or the inability to breathe, except when upright

Swelling in the lower extremities, vulva and abdominal wall

Decreased urine production

 

Yup, that's me. I even mentioned the fluid in the feet at my 16-week-appointment because I felt it was waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy to early for that. The SOB, I mentioned at my 20-week appointment. I didn't realize the decreased urine production was anything--I just thought it was nice that I don't have to pee every hour like I did when I was pregnant with LoveBug. I'm only going a normal amount, except I do usually get up once during the night now.

 

*sigh*

 

Too bad I don't work as a paramedic FT anymore. Then I could have had an "illegal" ultrasound and at least give myself peace of mind if my fluid levels look normal and my baby's digestive system is intact. Ugh.

 

14 hours...

Needing Photos

I walked past a mirror today and was shocked at what I saw: a Me but with a belly that's sticking straight out...and it's big! Golly, I didn't even know. We don't have a mirror at home that allows me to see this progression of pregnancy so I'm continually taken back when I see a reflection of myself. Wow, I must look pretty silly having to stop, stare, and touch my belly when walking past a big window on Market Street. ;-)

I told John that we really need to take some photos of me tonight. I don't have a single one yet and this pregnancy is flying by. Before we know it, I'm gonna have two little munchkins in my arms and these bubbly kicks within my womb will be gone!

Monkey is officially 25 weeks along now. If I was to give birth on time (unlikely), that gives us 15 weeks from today. Yikes! I'm still working on getting things ready and am up to a whopping 7 meals in the freezer, a new carseat from Safety 1st and a few other needed baby items on their way to me thanks to my blog, and John's begun tearing our room apart since we found a mold issue last week. Now if only the money to fund our renovation projects and baby preparation would come through, too! Trusting God and thankful that he always provides.

Still need:

double jogging stroller

some diapers & covers

crib and dresser

nursery set (sheets, bumper, curtains, etc.)

rug (optional)

car seat (blog)

swing

boy clothes!

more food stockpiled for the end of my pregnancy and after birth

co-sleeper (Craigslist)

baby bathtub (maybe have from blog?)

nursing shirts (blog)

Waiting for an answer...

I just spent more time reading about Esophageal Atresia. It makes me want to get that next ultrasound right now just so I can know. Does my baby have a problem? If so, will I have enough time to prepare for it after I find out? Would it benefit either of us to know sooner than April 6th when the ultrasound is scheduled?

The prognosis for a baby with just E.A. is pretty good, but he will require a lot of hospitalization time and surgeries. We'll battle things like aspiration, pnemonia, other respiratory infections, GERD, and the list goes on. It'll probably be okay.

But my baby won't be able to nurse, and might even develop an oral aversion so that he will have difficulty eating and swallowing even when he is able to after all of the surgeries. I already have images of a beautiful newborn baby naked on me, squirming his way up to my chest and rooting, begging me to nurse him. Except I won't be able to let him have anything by mouth--including sucking on anything--or I may run the risk of killing him. The thought sucks.

So I'm still holding out that my little guy just happened to pee and didn't have anything in his stomach to show last time. It sure would be nice to know, though. I'm not a worried kind of person, but I am a mother and concern for your child's wellbeing is a given.

Be okay, Timothy. Be fully and completely developed. I know parents don't get choices about these things, but I'm telling you now, I absolutely don't want to be the parent of the baby I take in an ambulance.


-----------------------------------
UPDATE: rescheduled ultrasound for this Friday at 4pm (4/19)--2.5 weeks sooner than I would've had to wait! Here's a link that I found helpful in learning more about E.A.: http://www.kaylapearson.com/.