Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Details

The details. Most people don't work these out--they have a mediator intervene the war-like tactics involved in "determining the details" of a separation. I have a sneaking suspicion it comes to this because people didn't marry their best friend at the time of the wedding...

We "worked out the details" yesterday. It is, in fact, the most ridiculous arrangement I have ever heard from anyone. It works, though, and we are both completely relieved that we can just be friends, focus on our goals and dreams, and not have the stress involved in "trying" to have a relationship and feelings that just are not working right now. The first time we fell in love, we weren't trying. We've realized it's not a very good idea to try to force these things unless you don't mind dying young as a result of the stress. If we fall in love a second time, it will not be because we are trying.

So as it stands now, we will continue to live together. A room with a cot will probably be created downstairs for one of us to sleep if needed. A divorce will only happen if God brings someone else into one of our lives (which I'm guessing the chances of happening are very slim since this person would be entering an intact family, have to be approved by all of us, and would have to understand and accept the dynamics of John's and my relationship). If we move from here, we'll either build or try to get a duplex home with a door between the living spaces so things are not weird or stressful for the kids--we will always still be a family. All of us. Oh, and one more small detail: John thinks we shouldn't mention us being separated to people. I guess we'll see how well that one works out, because someone is bound to pick up on it at some point.

Just from what we've gone through already, I realize this whole arrangement could change tomorrow...but since we're not following rules of what Christian married people are "supposed" to do anymore, I am thinking this agreement is going to hold. We are very clearly in God's will now, and it's a big relief to not be fighting what he has laid on both of our hearts.

So now, I'm am relearning how to breathe. Again. This time though, not going back prematurely.

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