Sunday, March 20, 2011

Part One: the new list

Maybe this is a bad idea, but it's one that I've had for a few months, so I think I should just write it down and suffer any consequences later. Since going through all of this yucky stuff the last bunch of months, I have wondered if my list of desirable characteristics for a spouse has changed since actually being married. We always hear about making sure you "match" the person you marry--that you can communicate, that you agree on politics and religion, that finances are figured out, and that you at least discuss child rearing philosophies before the wedding day...but we don't often talk about the things that go beyond the "good marriage" rules. So please, those who are young and eager to marry, consider the following list. And Brad Sorenson, if you are reading this, please take notes and mold yourself now just in case I am ever in a state of un-marriage.
  1. Knows how to love me. If you don't know how to love, you can't love. You will be surprised at how many people don't actually have a clue how to love someone else. It's often confused with lust or selfishness. I always used 1 Corinthians 13 as a model of how I am supposed to love others, but I never used it as the standard of which to hold other people to when considering if they loved me. Why this never occurred to me, I do not know.
    1. is patient with me and my children
    2. is kind to me and my children
    3. does not envy me or others
    4. does not boast about things to just make himself look better to me or others
    5. is not proud (does not judge others based on statuses, and is willing to do what he needs to do regardless of whether or not it boosts his image among men)
    6. does not dishonor others
    7. does not make selfish decisions
    8. is not easily angered by me or my children
    9. keeps no record of wrongs
    10. does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
    11. always protects me and my children! Physically and emotionally.
    12. always trusts me
    13. always hopes for the best for me and us and our future
    14. always perseveres in his relationship and love for me
  2. Has a great, dry sense of humor, and can laugh at situations and himself to help get through tough times.
  3. Passionate for God. Knows his personal cost of following Christ and has made the decision to do so.
  4. Enjoys the same things I do.
  5. Understand the things that make me feel loved, and cares enough to do so.
  6. Likes to hold me...because, of course, I like to be held.
  7. Is helpful to me.
  8. And basically, if he can get through all of the very large concrete walls that surround my heart and soul...get me to trust him...well, my heart will always be his. Forever. No matter what.

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