So in an attempt to make myself admit these things (I'm learning that a lot of freedom comes from admitting and allowing yourself to feel), here is my Fear List:
- I am afraid that this isn't going to work. Either you will go back to who you were, or my heart will never fully come around.
- If things were to fall apart, I'm afraid I will have NO ONE to pick me up. No one to understand, no one to care enough about me that they would do whatever they needed to to make sure I am safe and going to survive.
- I'm afraid that I hurt you by all of the things I can't do right now.
- I'm afraid that I will never be able to do the things I can't do right now. If that's the case, then why am I tying you up in this relationship anyway? You say you caused this and so are reaping the harvest, but I believe that you deserve to be treated for who you are NOW and I can't seem to fully do that...
- I'm afraid that you will eventually become tired and give up.
- Abandonment. Not being self actualized. That my emotions won't change...These are things I fear.
- I fear that I am already alone in this journey, and I really didn't want to be.
- I don't fear being hurt.
- I don't fear being disrespected.
- I don't fear ever going back to where I was, because I KNOW I could never do that.
- I don't fear that my children will grow up to have wrong thinking about how they should be treated or how they should treat other people.
- I don't fear awkward conversations and a stressful home environment.
- I don't fear guilt or fear itself.
- I don't fear you. And this is my favorite one to be released from.
It's time now to guide my heart, and that's a beautiful place in this journey. It means I have covered a lot of ground and much sooner than I would have thought. So one step at a time, terrifying as it may be, I will keep moving and will not allow myself to fall.