Sunday, March 20, 2011

Part Two: dating advice

Hear me out, people in the dating world: put your hormones, butterflies in your stomach, and happy feelings aside for a moment. If I could impart one thing and one thing only onto you, I would say this: don't settle. You have a beautiful opportunity, right now, to choose the spouse and person you will live with until you die. Do not settle for ANYTHING less that what you absolutely want. Trust me, he or she is out there, and they are worth the wait.
  • Are you proud of how this person acts in public? Are you proud of how this person acts in private?
  • Will you become part of his family, and he yours?
  • Is she the mother you want for your children? Remember, you get to choose exactly what mother you want for your kids. That's a pretty amazing thing.
  • Will you still be able to talk to this person for hours even after you've been living with him for 12 years?
  • Is this the person that you are bonded to more than any other?
  • If you could design how you think a spouse should treat you, would this person fit that description?
  • Are you completely comfortable with this person physically?
  • Do you want to share everything with this person? Your bank account, money, passwords, conversations, vacations, time, adventures, failures, bathroom, bed, car, children?
There are also some things that I am telling you right now that you should not think you can "put up" with. These things will destroy your marriage and you will have just wasted your time, money, and heart on a relationship. A relationship with these things is not sustainable and you are foolish if you get into a relationship with someone knowing this. Do whatever you have to do to not become attached to this person until these problems are completely and utterly resolved.
  1. Into a "swinger" lifestyle. The only reason I put this down is because statistically, couples who take part in swapping partners ultimately have a 100% divorce rate. May sound fun, but trust me, don't do it.
  2. Tries in any way to control you. Physically, or in subtle ways like manipulating your actions or emotions. 
  3. Misuses you in any way.
  4. Does not respect you...warning signs? Doesn't accept "no," makes fun of you, mistreats your possessions, doesn't listen, doesn't find your opinions/thoughts/feelings to be valid, goes against your wishes, doesn't find value in your dreams/career/past.
  5. Is jealous. You may think it's attractive right now to have someone who won't allow you to talk to other people of the opposite sex, but trust me, it's going to become annoying as all hell two years down the road when you can't even text a friend. There is a good jealousy over things that are rightfully yours, like wanting to keep a monogamous relationship. There is also a bad jealousy, like regulating a person's actions that are not rightfully yours to regulate. Run for the hills if they have a bad jealousy, because this means they also have control issues. Do not make the mistake of thinking they won't control you.
  6. If you aren't thrilled to tell this person everything about everything in your life. This should be the person who you want to tell everything to because he will be interested, care, help, and be happy or sad for you. You should be able to know without a doubt that whatever you are going through or struggling with, he is there to uphold you and not judge you or be angry about it.
Do not settle, my friends, for anything except the best. You do deserve it, and so does the person you want to date.

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